So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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