I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
