you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
