hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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