when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
