So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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