i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
