Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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