Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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