Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just had sex bonerless
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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