do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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