mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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