I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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