we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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