I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
