if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
