I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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