I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
