I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
