Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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