You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize