i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
