We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need a beard to bite.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
