How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
