You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We need a shit load of segways right now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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