1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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