We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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