You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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