Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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