I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
