Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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