first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
