too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
