GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
