I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
