Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
