You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
zippers are such a cool invention
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
