Already got asked if we're dating
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
