i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im holly from the hills drunk
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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