I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
