I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
