My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this will be a night to untag.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
