ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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