The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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