U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
