well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
