You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
