Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
