i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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