sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
