I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
