I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
