i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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