HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
