Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
