fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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