I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
