I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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