Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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