So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
