That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
