I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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