So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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